Random stuff

he notion that life begins at conception has been around, as far as I can tell, at least as long as I have. So that means for 27 years now, there have been people whose understanding of the world is that the instant sperm and egg join, that child (or in my estimation, potential child) is alive. Their life has begun. And for as long as I've heard this idea it's seemed wrong to me from a political and well biological perspective.

But today, I realized it's also a little strange in a couple of other ways. For instance. Birthdays. In my mind, when I ask a child how old they are and they gleefully thrust 3 stubby little fingers in my face and declare, "I'm three years old." I figure, you know what, roughly 3 years ago that child went from being all womby and whatnot to being outside, in the world we all share. But that's wrong, if you believe that life begins at conception. Hell that kid is off by a lot. She's actually 3 years and 9 months. That's a lot of rounding error. Does that mean that Life Begins at Conception children have to learn two different sets of ages? Wouldn't birthday parties be a bit strange-- I recognize that these annual celebrations mark the date of birth and not beginning of life, but doesn't that mean you'd have 3 candles but your child would have to say they were almost four years old.

It's strange this also means that if your parents are Conservative you're a much slower learner. I mean come on it takes that child 10 months to hold up its head, geez, that's getting into developmental disability territory.

Here's another thought. Let's say that Jess and I donate the requisite sperm and egg and create an embryo. We store it in some medical freezer. We decide never to make that embryo into a person (by my understanding of when life begins). Then 45 years later that embryo is implanted in a womb, grows and makes the transition from womb to real world. Does that mean the child was born at 45 years old. I think it has to. If life begins at conception, the clock starts ticking whenever the swimmers reach the dock (as it were).

Rocky

So I have really no sense at all what happens in the latest Rocky movie. But given the age of the character, to say nothing of the age of the actor, I have to imagine some changes.

A few thoughts:

In the latest Rocky, I believe he fights his toughest enemy, incontinence. This struggle makes it harder for the ring announcer to, in good faith, declare that he wants a good clean fight. But it does help to discourage hitting below the belt.

In this edition, he's fighting the Social Security Administration.

The new Rocky features our Philly hero fighting for the Early Bird Special at 15 minutes past 9, in clear violation of Denny's policy.

Rocky producers are able to subsidize the newest entry in the franchise through product placement. Rocky's trademark raw egg shake is replaced with Ensure.

Instead of training by sparring with a side of beef, Rocky spends the first 20 minutes of his comeback complaining to the Cracker Barrell waitress about the portions on his side order of corned beef hash.

Ansars

Beware morons bearing advice. Yesterday I found myself waiting for my doctor (yes, the same one who has been failing to aid me lo these many months) to write me a prescription for my medicine. His accent is often so thick and his face so uncommunicative that I struggle to understand what he's cajoling me about. He asked if "I knew the Ansar." This struck me as some sort of trick question. So I told him what dosage of what medicine I have been taking. He attempted, though failed, to clarify by saying, "No, the Ansar. The machine." Confused, more than usual, I waited for him to mount up and take a third go at the windmill of basic communication. After some gestures and his full focus on using multiple words to explain the concept in his mind, I began to understand. Well somewhat. He was talking about a great new machine he bought. The machine, I came to learn, cost him $30,000. It was called Ansar. Having satisfied himself that I understood that he owned a machine that was called Ansar he set about trying to explain why one would use this machine.

He promptly explained that there are two parts to the nervous system, the sympathetic and the wait, what is the other one. Oh, right, the parasympathetic one. He told me that the sympathetic is engaged in action, and worry. That it controls focus and depression. While the parasympathetic controls headaches. Now, I'm highly dubious of these claims. Sadly, if he told me I was on fire I might get a second opinion before stopping, dropping and rolling.

I asked what this machine does. It measures whether or not your parasympathetic or sympathetic is stronger and determines if they are in balance. Then it tells him what medicines to prescribe. Then he will know for sure what and what dosages to give me for any problems I might have. I asked whether the diagnosis for say, depression or other conditions would include any discussion of how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking. He calmly and somewhat dismissively said no, that this was better. That the Ansar system would be more accurate.

He then thrust a very phony looking pamphlet into my hand, and reiterated again and again that if I wanted to try the machine he could arrange that. Apparently he needs to pay off his $30,000 investment.

It was appaling to me to think that this machine is supposed to be able to in 30 minutes diagnose any and all problems. That depression is solely a physical condition. That biorhythms and the balance between your various nervous systems will accurately predict the condition, medication and dosage. I guess I'm unwilling to accept that level of analytical expertise from a computer, to say nothing of one hawked by a man unable to identify my various body parts.

I went to the ANSAR web site, looking for any information. Any major journal that has reviewed this favorably. I have to admit I'm largely baffled by the site. If other more trained observers what to help me decode it, I'd love the assistance. From what I can tell, it seems a bit of an overstatement. My favorite statement is

"A balance between the two branches of your ANS is essential for good health. In fact, most illnesses and injuries cause or result from an imbalance between these two branches. An imbalance in your ANS can tell your doctor many things about how healthy you are, as well as what can be done to keep you as healthy as possible.

Am I wrong, doesn't this sound like Homer's great quote about beer. "Beer the cause of and solution to all life's problems." So this imbalance can either be the cause or a symptom of a problem. Without investigating through conversation and medical history how does one know whether you're viewing symptom or cause? Can an over exercise of the parasympathetic lead to more than one problem?

Maybe I'm too skeptical, but when presented by my awful doctor, penicillin would seem risky and worthless.

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Reserving this...

you know in the event it's necessary.